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QaR
January 2009 
Self-development is narcissistic
Posted on Jan 25th, 2009
by 
Marc
Marc
There has been a part of me that's wanted to write this for a few weeks now.
Self-development is narcissistic. It focuses so much on the little self that often people become contracted around the need to BE someone that they will overlook their surrender to their Bigger Self. Their Being is used not as a means to serve the world, but more as a way to serve themselves becoming a "Better Person". Bigger, brighter, new and improved. What they ultimately do with that is varied, but often there is a returning from their workshops to where they live their lives with more self-determination showing up as pushiness; confidence showing up as self-righteousness; or peacefulness showing up as laziness or detachment. It becomes all about what they want, how they want to be, and nobody - I say, NOBODY - will mess with that. And so overlooking how much they are ultimately sacrificing the desires of their own deepest heart.
The 'need to heard' is another fallacy that emerges in self-development again and again. The constant need to be heard, instead of hearing oneself, and bringing awareness to the part of ourselves that wants to be heard. So often in so many places - online forums, group sittings, workshops (the former being the main domain) - I hear people complain they're not being heard. Sometimes, they are right. People will deliberately negate what they say. They will be pushed aside and deliberately negated for someone else's case to be made and elevated to the level of "truth". In this case, we can be sure, they are not being heard. But often there are minor disagreements, or simple misinterpretations of what is being said. Our need to be heard fires up, and rather than listening, we listen through this NEED. And we proclaim our voice to be true and important, and our frustration is not suspended to be listened to, but is vomited into the space without any trace of ownership. And what started as genuine exploration becomes for all those involved an exercise in "How can I stop eggshells from getting stuck in between my toes?". The creative impulse of exploration is suffocated as "being heard" takes centre stage of "hearing".
So what else are we to do? My feeling lately, having been through a lot of self-development, is to find something much larger than myself. Self-development of the past took the form of pleasing the 2nd-person God, and striving to become a better person to do God's work. Today? God is dead (really?) and we strive to become better people because...we want to be better people. I recently met a guy who said he wanted to change the world and be bigger than Richard Branson. Why, I thought? Why do you want to be bigger than Richard Branson? Because you'll be making a bigger difference if you're bigger than him? Or, because you want everyone to give you the feeling of "being heard" you've always longed for?
This week was a big week. A man of incredible humility and incredible personal power became the President of the United States of America. There is something about Barack Obama that has me believe in the power of humility, the power of self-sacrifice to achieve one's grandest dreams. Not sacrifice in the sense of "doing without", but recognizing that ultimately there is a greater purpose to serve. Whether it be God's work, or simply to serve all of humanity. True sacrifice is recognizing that our work is bigger than ourselves. And yet, we are a vessel for it. Barack Obama stands beyond everyone else's projections and believes more in the power of the WE than the power of HIM. This is the sign of a true leader, and I believe we should listen very intently to this lesson.
And yet I am troubled by self-development. Most of it does not recognize that ultimately, the work does not stop at US. And those who are most involved in it, I feel, are among the most self-righteous people I know (myself included). It is the simple distinction of doing the work to serve humanity, rather than ourselves becoming "better people", that stops its true gifts shining through us. It is the karma yoga that is missing so much in the world - the karma yoga that I once laughed at the possibility of doing because I couldn't see how it would serve ME.
Although I've certainly gained so much from being in the self-development arena. I've become a different person because of it. Healing at this level is incredibly important. Despite a lot of the criticisms I have for it, I am starting to see it in a transcend-and-include nature. My feeling is that there are a lot of people who get stuck on the smaller self for a very long time without expanding to surrender to a higher purpose than this "better person" impulse. And partly, I think, this has something to do with the lack of the availability (at least in the self-development arena) of such a program. One thing I have noticed is that there are a LOT more "find your life purpose" books/programs going around these days. I believe others are hearing this impulse for something greater than ourselves and are finally beginning to follow this thread. I only hope we can begin to embrace something bigger than ourselves. I'm left with three questions that may serve as a guide.
What do you want to most bring into the world? How can you serve humanity most? And why do you want to serve humanity?
Access: PublicTagged with: narcissism, self-development, richard branson, obama, president, humility, online forums, big self
